From Fables

THE BESTIARY

Once in a small hamlet there were two competing Bestiaries. A "Bestiary" was a place to transform domestic animals into weird, but supposedly "safe" monster-animals. Originally just for plays or costume parties, it soon became more widespread, and was a thriving but fiercely competitive business. One of the unscrupulous Bestiary proprietors devised a chemical which made the pets wilder, hairier and more completely insane. The chemical was packed into the rear molars of

 

the authentic fluorescent werewolf teeth each animal was fitted with. The owner could then take their pet home and watch the slow time-release transformation into a "super-beast." This horrible yet fascinating spectacle was a huge success but almost always resulted in the grotesque maiming of the pet owner(s) and/or other innocent bystanders. A ban was placed on sale or use of the transforming chemical.

 

Responding to a class action suit by injured pet owners, the Bestiary owners' clever counselor declared written safety guarantees null and void. The owners had exhausted their enormous sales revenue on legal fees but were exonerated from all criminal and civil charges.

 

Later, the former owners met with a similar fate in their scheme to sell time-share condominiums in Sonora.

 

MORAL: Illicit profits rarely result in a net gain.

 

 

 

THE SUCKLING LIZARD

 

The turtle and the monitor were surprised when they saw the iguana suckling on the calf. "What the fuck?" said the snooping wide-eyed alligator as he espied the whole scene from a nearby swamp via infra-red binoculars.

 

"Stop him!" said the frogs crying nervously, as one.

 

Sheepishly, the iguana looked at his detractors and held up a claw as if to say, "Wait." With some struggle he pulled the fake plastic udder from the cow as both animals fell on the ground in a giggling fit.

 

"Why you certainly ARE cold-blooded MR. LIZARD," said a not-very-amused sheep. The frogs became confused and ran into one another, the babies attempting to suckle  the elders. The rest of the onlookers froze for a moment and then walked slowly away to what they were doing beforehand.

 

 

MORAL: Nothing, just mind your own business, ha ha, no harm no foul.