0ozLe P0ol

9

 

On Brighton Boulevard Bugs, with his stuff, picks a good spot and sticks out his thumb. Many cars pass, ignoring him and his thumb.

Jumpcut> Bugs keeps on hitchhiking unsuccessfully.

Jumpcut> An old station wagon pulls over to pick Bugs up. Lettering on the car doors says "Mofisto the Clown! Magic Tricks! Birthday Parties! 303-922-6167: www.mofisto.com". The hitchhiker gets in. Fido and Grease

 

Squirt get in the back seat.

A friendly looking middle aged man with a blue rubber nose and about an inch and a half of lit cigar says, "Hullo, I'm Mofisto."

"Bugs." He smiles back.

Mofisto drives the cars off. "Where ya going?"

"Commerce City. Do you know a girl with a rose tattoo named Rose?"

"Noop. Wished I did, though. Commerce City aint very far. Not even an hour and a half. I wish I could take you all the way, but I gotta sneak back in the apartment and get my clown costume and tricks before the old lady gets back from work after I go to the cigar store."

"Why?"

"She kicked me out again."

"Oh. The train don't go all the way to Commerce City."

"It's practically part of Big Rock now but the train don't go there yet. You coulda caught the express bus."

"Didn't know there was one. Maybe I can catch it the rest of the way."

"You can't. You've got to start downtown in Big Rock. There's only 1 stop each way."

"Is it fun being a clown?"

"It's a job, kind of."

"Can you really do magic?"

"Hell yeah!"

"How do you do it?"

"You think I'm going to tell you? And then I'll have more competition?"

"I don't have a cool clown car. I didn't even know about the bus to Commerce City."

"Ok. There're lots of tricks. But Magic is just what the kids can't explain."

Fido says, "To explain the unexplained, different possible explanations have to be considered until the one that most fits the facts is chosen. People are spoiled though. If a phenomenon doesn't fit into their 'known' experience, only then is it considered 'magic'. But the fact that anything exists at all is magic. Because when you really look at it, that central fact is truly unexplainable."

"Then they go 'How'd he do that?' But most of the tricks boil down to getting the kids to look the other way while you pull the switcheroo, or do the trick," the magic clown explains.

"For instance?" Bugs requests.

"Take the chicken bone trick." Mophisto pulls a chicken bone that has a knot in it from his cuff. "You can soften a bone by soaking it in vinegar for 24 hours, tie a knot in it and let it dry to harden it again. Then keep it a secret side leg pocket. You take a normal bone and show the kids and a KFC box to put it in. Put a handkerchief over the box and say 'Presto!'. Pull the straight bone out and go 'Ah jeez! It didn't work. Let's try it again'. All right, now the sock puppet starts bitching you out saying,"  Mofisto demonstrates by making his left hand talk in a hostile funny voice. "'What a loser! You can't get nothing right, go back to clown school...' etcetera etcetera.  As this is happening drop your wrist to your side below the surface of the table and pull the switcheroo. Stick the straight bone in the side leg pocket and pull the knotted bone out letting just it's tip show from between your knuckles and as, now this is important, the puppet's still chastising you, drop the new bone into the box. Put the handkerchief over the box, say 'Presto' and pull the knotted bone out of the box."

"Why can't we just say, 'We can't explain it. Let's not worry about it.'?" Grease Squirt asks.

"Because then people can't sleep at night."

Bugs tells Fido and Grease Squirt, "Shhh."

Mofisto looks at Bugs and the hitchhiker says, "Not you."

The clown just looks disconcerted at Bugs and continues, "Even IF someone catches on that you switched the bones, they'll still be impressed by the knot in it."

Bugs shakes his head up and down, "Magic."

"Get 'em to look away while you pull the switch."

"Where'd you get the chicken?"

"KFC."

"Where'd they get it?"

"Chicken farm."

"Where'd they get it?"

"That's what they do, raise chickens."

"But there weren't always chickens."

"Who knows?"

"Magic."

Grease Squirt asks, "Can anyone say where chickens come from?"

"They say they can, but they can't," The dog replies.

"Why do they then?"

"So they can go to sleep. People want conclusion. But the conclusions are usually wrong. They only correct conclusion is that there is no conclusion. People just get tired and want to go to sleep."

"When someone wasn't looking, someone snuck a chicken in the coop," Mofisto concludes.

"Probably," Bugs sort of agrees.

Mofisto pulls off of the road and into the parking lot of a small shopping plaza. "This is where the cigar store is. Sorry I can't take you all the way. Take my advice, don't get into the magic line."

Bugs taps his synth/sampler, "I've got my own act."

"Good, good."

They get out of the car.

 

"Thanks Mofisto."

They wave and Bugs walks out to the road again. His imaginary chums go too. He sticks out his thumb. Nobody picks him up.

Jumpcut> A slightly banged up van with decals that say 'Satellite Disc Matrix TV' stops and picks Bugs up. The dog and dummy get in the back. The work vehicle rolls back onto the road.

 

An eager journeyman in coveralls greets the traveler, "Hi. I'm Phillip, you know, like the screw head. I'm not even going as far as Commerce City."

He offers his hand so Bugs shakes it. "Hi Phillip. I'm Bugs. That's where I'm going, Commerce City."

"Cool. I can take you about half way." Phillip rolls onto the road.

"Do you know a girl with a rose tattoo named Rose?"

"No. I got a cousin named Rose. She has a tattoo of a dragonfly though."

 

The van shoots down the asphalt strip.

 

"You put in TV satellites?"

"Uh huh.  Discs. Like you see on folk's houses. I'm an independent contractor," Phillip tells him proudly.

"I usta watch a lot of TV, seems like."

"Don't you remember?"

Fido says, "This is just a TV show and somewhere someone's watching."

Grease Squirt asks,  "What's a TV?"

"A little box that you watch shows on. Like our own little story. This show is just one show. There's like billions of channels." the dog explains.

"No. I use to read a lot too, seems like. Forgot that too, probably," Bugs tells Phillip.

"You're better off, maybe. Me, I don't watch too much TV, except for hockey, football and Nascar. But there's too many commercials. I'd rather work on my cars in the garage. "

"So all you watch is sports."

"My wife watches movies, reality TV and just normal shows. That's alright, I guess, if that's what you're into. Keeps her off my back. Me, it seems like, anything on TV or in the movies doesn't seem as nuts as what happens in real life. You're better off watching the news, and who needs that?"

"Who's watching? Who's changing the channel?" Fido wonders.

"What?" the dummy asks.

"Maybe someone's watching the watcher on THAT channel," the dog speculates.

"Now you're giving me a headache," Grease Squirt says.

"So where'd you watch all the TV that you don't remember?" Phillip asks.

"The bughouse, I think. But I forget."

"How do you know then?"

"My imaginary dog told me."

"Ooooh k."

Phillip pulls the van over, "I've got to pull over here. Good luck."

"You too. Thanks."

Bugs gets out.

 

He waves goodbye there on the road as the van takes a right onto another road. Then he sticks out his thumb again. Cars pass and after awhile the crazy hitchhiker moves up the road a few hundred feet by a gas station convenience store and bar and grill. Grease Squirt and Fido go with him.

Jump cut> Bugs stands by the roadside with his thumb out as the last daylight peters out.

"I aint going to get a ride now."

"No probably not," Fido says and points his thumb at people coming in and out of the Outside Inn Bar and Grill. "Whyn't you do your Devo act, make some change and we'll get some snacks."

"You should maybe see a vet," Bugs suggests.

"Why do you say that?"

"You must have a tapeworm. But yeah, you're right. If we're stuck for now, I ought to hustle up some dough. But I gotta but some 9 volt batteries first."

"I bet they got some at the gas station."

"Probably," Bugs agrees. He goes toward the service station and enters.

 

Bugs walks in the grimy cramped gas station/store and starts searching for batteries.

A sleepy grungy attendant behind the counter asks, "Can I help you find something?"

"9 volt Batteries."

"Got 'em back here by the antacid. $4.75."

Bugs approaches the counter and counts the money in his pocket. He doesn't have enough so he takes off his shoe and grabs a couple of dollars to pay her with. After he slaps them on the counter and she makes a face of mild repulsion, she whips out a can of disinfectant and sprays the money. Bugs doesn't react as she completes the transaction.

"Do you know a girl named Rose with a rose tattoo?"

"Yeah, she worked at the Outside Inn across the lot. Who are you?"

"I'm Bugs. Me and her lived in an orphanage together."

"Last I heard she was at the Monte Carlo apartments down the road in Commerce City. You aint a stalker, are you?"

"No, not yet I aint. Thank you." Bugs smiles and exits.